12 and a wake-up.

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That’s how long until we go on vacation. By we, I mean my husband, my brother and I. I think we all can’t wait to get out of Dodge for a few days. You know, that whole change will do you good thing. I hope to float in the pool and the ocean and leave some of my worries there. I also hope that the Phillies beat the Marlins again at the game we are going to with some of my dad’s friends 🙂
Sometimes, lately, I feel like a spinning top. My sense of peace and purpose has been severely altered. I don’t know who I am supposed to be or what I am supposed to be doing. I hate it. Sometimes, I have so much junk going through my head that I have to remind myself that I have gone through tough times before. That I have made it through those, and become stronger for them. Problem is, I don’t believe myself…..or, that this is the same. But, way deep down inside, I still have hope. I refuse to give that up. Maybe it is all I need, and my quest for answers and resolution is serving no purpose other than driving me bonkers.
So, Sunday is Father’s Day. I was thinking today how I would give anything to be struggling to come up with a gift idea for my dad. How I wish I was seeing Paul browsing cooking sites looking for the perfect recipe for the day. We will be spending the day at Lisa’s, enjoying a barbeque, probably laughing and reminiscing, and hoping that my dad is watching and happy to see us together. There are so many “firsts” to get through and this one feels very sad. The Father’s Day commercials are driving me crazy, I never realized how something 30 seconds or less could impact the rest of my day so much.
As usual, I take solace in and have gratitude for the little things….Savannah snuggled by my side, Paul sharing some delicious ice cream with me (Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack….yum), and that I have the day off tomorrow. For Flag Day…which was Tuesday. Apparently, years ago, my agency decided that they should honor Flag Day….by having a long weekend in the same week. How random is that? I’m certainly not complaining, though!
Another thing I am grateful for: my family…every last member…human, canine and feline. Even Trixie 😉 *She’s the smaller one, with the much bigger attitude*. I almost said “cat-itude”, but I just can’t….sorry.

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