Rescued Ink.

I got my tattoo on Friday. Unlike a new haircut…which would grow back….my grief-related ink is here to stay. But, in case I change my mind at some point, thankfully, this is the modern era and I can have it removed if I want (believe me…I thought of that right away!). For now, I am glad I did it, as it is something both my brother and I will have to remind us of our dad. He is probably up in Heaven rolling his eyes, yet honored. I hope so, anyway. *My brother got his tattoo on Monday, in a much less obvious place (his leg), mine is on my forearm, for the whole world to see.*
My Aunt Pam came to visit from Baltimore yesterday. We went to go see Cheryl Wheeler do a show at the New Hope Winery. Not many people are familiar with Cheryl, but, she is a fantastic singer/songwriter whose left wing political views and sense of humor are insightful and hilarious. Check her out. She is also a 60 year old lesbian, with zero sense of style…which is probably why she is not more popular. She doesn’t seem to care, which in my mind makes her that much greater. But, let me tell you about my Aunt Pam. She is truly one of my favorite people in the world. Which is interesting, seeing as when I met her as a child I really didn’t like her. Maybe I was afraid of her…I don’t know, but, I have been told by multiple people that I initially had a very strong negative reaction to her. I can’t imagine why, or feeling that way now, as she is one of the kindest, most interesting, least judgmental and generous people I know. We moved to Baltimore “together” and though over time we didn’t see each other all that often while I was living there (around the corner from each other) it was always a tremendous comfort to me to know she was there. Anyone who has ever met Pam says the same: that she is a genuine person, who is enjoyable to be around. I feel very blessed to have her in my life.
I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately, and have decided that I am very fortunate to know the people I do. In the past, I think I would have said “lucky”, but, I don’t think luck has anything to do with it. Luck would imply chance and a randomness that I don’t think exists, at least where relationships are concerned. Remember….I am an everything happens for a reason person. I think “fortunate” is a better word, because it implies that something has been bestowed upon me…and indeed, I have had much good fortune bestowed upon me in terms of the people I have around me. “Blessed” is also a good word to describe how I feel about my relationships…though, honestly, I have a hard time with that word, because it has always had religious connotations to it for me. But, I am trying to resolve that within myself. I am trying to take the religious aspect out of my relationship with God and have it be more about me and Him (her? it? them?) because it feels more comfortable to me. Concepts that I learned as a young Catholic school girl stick with me….like blessings, faith, charity and doing good deeds, but, the context has changed tremendously. Anyway, the relationship I have with God continues to unravel and reveal itself to me and I don’t think he, she, it or them really mind that the relationship doesn’t happen in a church.
Anyway….I could go on and on about that, but, I am more focused on my “earthly” relationships right now. There is so much to learn through them, and though I have a few with some turmoil (guess who?), for the most part….I know some really amazing people. Throughout the years, like for most people, lots of friendships have come and gone, but, the really good ones remain. Like my Aunt Pam. I truly consider her my friend.
One of the reasons I think I have been able to maintain these relationships is because I work hard to keep drama out of my life. There was a time when I thrived on drama…and, I don’t even think I was aware of it for a long time. There was a time when I treated relationships like they were disposable. I regret that, and worked hard to prove it to a few people who really matter to me. Now, I just simply refuse to let drama into my life (wherever possible). I have my dad to thank for this, because he lived by the motto “keep it simple”. Drama= trauma….and quite frankly, I have had enough of that in my life.
I started this post on Friday, and really struggled with it. So, I apologize if it sucks. But, please know that if you are reading it, most likely that is because you are one of the people I feel blessed and fortunate to know 🙂